yesterday I spent hours staring at a flower, immersed completely in my mind. Sometimes I felt like I snapped out of it, recognized that I was indeed staring at this flower and to someone else I probably looked like I was doing nothing, but outside of that, my mind was really caressing me. Every ten minutes or so, I'd find something funny to laugh at.
I thought of how my dad always says I have to snap back into reality and I finally understood what he meant, sort of? lol.
I guess what I mean is that I recognize why he thinks I'm such a dreamer.
It's because I am.

During the whole staring at a flower thing I had going on yesterday, I thought of the story of the Bull that Allyson has tattooed. She read it to me and it was an awesome story. I think the Bull and I would have gotten along. He used to stare at flowers too.

(he would have gotten along with Allyson too lol. I don't know why, but I feel like I have to say that. it's the truth anyway)

I'm gonna decorate my room now.

it's funny because I really like this song.

it's even funnier because she actually wrote this song, with a little help from her friend (lol). She composed the piano part of it all by herself. I looked it up after I listened to it and there it was. It's about her break up with Justin Timberlake.
This is her best song for sure.

me and panda have still totally laughed at this song tho lol.
it sounds evil, but you have to put it in the right context.

"I  may have made it rain" lolol
"my weakness caused you pain" not so lol.

remember dude when it was on courtneys myspace lolol.

this was what prompted Britney's response
uuu juicy celebrity gossip.
nah...just a love story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DksSPZTZES0

 

hes an aquarius and shes a sag..
air & fire.
lol..just a coincidence I guess?

I don't understand why liking Bukowski would make you "ineligible" to be a feminist. Sure, Bukowski might have beat some woman in his time because Bukowski was a tough fucker, but that wasn't all he wrote about. I'm against violence, and I take Bukowski mentioning these things as awesome because he is being honest. I don't ever read these things Bukowski has done to woman with glee, just curiosity. You can read something, reject part of its message, accept the others, and still go about living the life you want to live.
What I think really matters here is if that guy in the photo commits the same acts that Bukowski did. Reading someone else's has NOTHING to do with it.
lol that scarf thoooo

music lives.

highlights

"I  went into the bends. I got drunker and stayed drunker than a shit skink in Purgatory. I even had the butcher knife, against my throat one night in the kitchen and then I thought, easy, old boy, your little girl might want you to take her to the zoo. Ice cream bars, chimpanzees, tigers, green and red birds, and the sun coming down on top of her head, the sun coming down and crawling into the hairs of your arms, easy, old boy"

- 192-193 Post Office (Bukowski)

"The nurse pointed down at my child. The child's face was very red and it was screaming louder than any of the other children. That room was full of screaming babies. So many births! The nurse seemed very proud of my baby. At least, I hoped it was mine. She picked the girl up so I could see it better. I smiled through the glass, I didn't know how to act. The girl just screamed at me. Poor thing, I thought, poor little damned thing. I didn't know then that she woud be a beautiful girl someday who would look just like me, hahaha."


"Women were meant to suffer; no wonder they asked for constant declarations of love"

- 155 Post Office (Bukowski)

things worth tattooing (brainstorming)

1. flower
2. modest mouse balloon (so accurate)
3. love thy crooked neighbor with thy crooked heart
4. Paul McCartney tattoo
5. a bike maybe
6. humor quote by bukowski

it's so funny that aurora, knowing the little she knew about me, said "you're going to have so many tattoos ely. I can already tell". I always think about it when I decide what I want on me. lol..oh aurora..the only part of boston market that i miss
every time i pass a boston market i throw up a middle finger at it lol
pointless, but not really, because it feels good doing it.

(some) songs that have made me cry.

9. mending a twelve year olds first broken heart: