we accept the love we think we deserve

I'm waiting a week to see if I still feel the same. For the first time in a while, I'm actually really thinking something through and not acting on impulse. I don't think I love Aaron. I don't even think I like him anymore. Which is strange, but so is life, so just let me and life be strange okay? I can't help what I feel.

It came as a flood of relaxation.

If this is love, then it's not the kind I want. I'm just so sick of it.

I just feel brand new. And I want good things. Not this worrying about something else bullshit. Life is too short. I know I'm going to find someone who is going to make me even happier then Aaron can make me and I know the same applies for him. And that's AWESOME.
No pang of jealousy runs through me. I guess maybe because this is an abstract thought and isn't really happening, but the thought used to drive me insane before, and now I'm just like OK. Cool, glad you could do it, cause I sure as hell couldn't hahaha.
He has served his purpose and it was fun and now it's time to give way to new expierences and new people and a new kind of happiness.
I guess we can be friends. I don't know if I will make the effort to see him. I don't want to.

Things that have made me okay with this:
The comforting truth of TIME and POSSIBILITIES.
Aaron is an asshole.
I'm not an asshole.
our love is on the surface. aaron only loves me when i'm okay and happy and awesome but he can't love me when i'm fustrated or insecure or sad. fuck that.
he never ever apologizes. just once. and he was stoned.
I like the fact that he tells me the truth, but I don't want that to be the truth. What i mean is, I know someone else will be just as honest but it'll be something I want to hear for once.
it's annoying to have to think about this.

Aaron, you're great. I know you are. I invested my heart in that greatness.
But that doesn't mean anything anymore. And it's strange that I can acknowledge how great you are and still not care about you.  Maybe it's because I'm annoyed by this whole sitatuon that i'm just like *push away completely*.

Wow, I'm un-fucking-predictable. And crazy. Gloriously crazy.

I don't know if I'll mean this tomorrow. I sure as hell hope so. I really hope so.

I'm excited for life. for new beginnings.
awwwwww yeah.
i've learned a lot from this relationship. yay.