i am somewhere..but not here
lmfao. i'm really stoned.
today everything went cold
it was weiiiiiiiiird
Thursday, February 28, 2013
marcs coming over
I haven't seen him in years. I always thought he was adoraaaaaable. He still is.
Life is funny.
Life is funny.
I wish I could live free/ I hope it's not beyond me / Settling down takes time
family:
- take max and luis to every mesuem in chicago in the summer.
- buy my mom a beautiful ring she can wear every day
- spoil my mom for a day
- take my dad out somewhere amazing, even if it isn't amazing to me
- get toby a fancy new dog tag
college transfers.
- Kenyon
- NYU
- UC- Santa Cruz
- UC- Berkeley
- Pitzer (Yerika...*nudge nudge*)
- Vasaar
hehe..kenyon. <3
i got the silver medal, which, if we're talking about kenyon, is a damn thing to be proud of.
Ever
since I can remember, I have loved words. When I was younger, words
helped me get through my fear of the dark. When most kids were using
nightlights, I was reading stories to fall asleep. I drifted to sleep
with wizards, fairies, hares, and tortoises on my mind. I had escaped
the fear of monsters and indulged myself in a completely different
world.
As
I got older, the love grew deeper. I was not afraid of the dark
anymore, but of school, decisions, and the future. The storybooks were
replaced with novels, poems, and research papers. One novel in
particular is The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
In the midst of my confusion concerning love, Charlie was there to
clear the path. I could have easily became a pregnant teenager or
settled for less than I deserve. These phenomenons are all over my school
and even within my household. I knew love had caused all these things
but I did not know how. Perks made me realize these people were not in
love but in pursuit of it. Charlie was in love, and he didn’t speak
about Sam like my dad spoke about my mom, or how my classmates spoke
about their girlfriends. Through all the voices tugging and pulling at
me, urging me to hear them, it was Charlie’s voice that I listened to:
“And that’s when I knew I loved her. Because there was nothing to gain,
and that didn’t matter.” And that is when I knew my morals had changed for the better.
With
a school that reflects the morals I keep close to my heart, and with
the workshops offered that will help me create writing pieces like the
ones that helped my heart get there; I could not imagine attending any
other program.
self.
- aerial silks (summer)
- violin (school)
- guitar (?)
- french (school)
- rules of the road (now)
- sew (future)
- swing (future)
- repairing shit on my own (future)
- skateskateskateskateskateskate (summer)
summer
- electric forest
- fire hooping
- attending all the summer fire jams
- get in a car one day with someone and see where we end up
- moving out
1. English
2. Creative writing
3. English
4. Creative writing
5. Poli Sci
6. Media studies
I don't know how I feel about poli sci/media anymore, because I don't know if I will do any substantial good. Plus, I hate politics. I don't know if I want to try to change things from the inside or simply detach myself completely from that world and create my own. Poli sci/media seems so on the surface.
It'd be funny if I end up being a writer. My dad always said I would be.
My teacher from writing camp, Emily, also said I would be. She said that I have a strong sense of what is important to me.
I think it calls for one hell of a life if I do become one.
I wonder what I'll write about.........
song writers
I used to write lists. I still can.
1. Paul Banks
my favorite lyrics by paul banks:
i wish i could live free
i hope it's not beyond me
settling down takes time
2. Thom Yorke
"And I know I'm paranoid and neurotic, I've made a career out of it."
3. Paul McCartney
“My grandkids always beat me at Rock Band. And I say, ‘Listen, you may beat me at Rock Band, but I made the original records, so shut up.”
4.
Morrissey
“When I’m lying in my bed I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me.”
"Theres more to life than books you know, but not much more"
1. Paul Banks
my favorite lyrics by paul banks:
i wish i could live free
i hope it's not beyond me
settling down takes time
2. Thom Yorke
"And I know I'm paranoid and neurotic, I've made a career out of it."
3. Paul McCartney
“My grandkids always beat me at Rock Band. And I say, ‘Listen, you may beat me at Rock Band, but I made the original records, so shut up.”
4.
Morrissey
“When I’m lying in my bed I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me.”
"Theres more to life than books you know, but not much more"
I think taste in music can say a lot about a person.
I think what they can say about them can say even more.
I met a girl on a bus and decided we'd be friends simply because of how she described radiohead to me.
I wish I could express how much these people mean to me.I can't. It's impossible and if I try, I feel like it will take away from it. So all I can do is listen and feel.
I feel like writing today
Yesterday was a good day. Woke up next to panda, I got laid, got to smoke with Markay! right after since he lived hella close, met a bunch of his friends that were funny, got sparked up and dropped off home by Loony, and fell asleep cuddling with Toby.
I've been thinking a lot about what that birthday personality has said about me. It's eerie how true it is. Well, at least when it says "although you are highly communicative, you tend to keep your inner thoughts to yourself".
I'm going to admit to something.
Throughout some time in August, I had feelings for Max. I loved how much he talked. It was funny how much he rambled and how the only time I could really say anything was when he was asking me a question. I love the Youtube videos he would show me, the fact that he watched ghost hunting shows (so lame! i would always tell him how much bullshit he was allowing into his life, but he was all for it), how he hated the Beatles, how he gave badass lightshows, how he would buy me anything, how he speaked Ukranian and would make fun of me everytime I tried to speak it, how enthusastic he was about music, how deadmau5 was always playing in the car, how he really always tried to make an effort with me, and i could always tell, how much of a dumbass he is, the layout of his house, the european shows always playing in the kitchen, and how much i could tell he loved his mom, the fact that he always wanted to shop for clothes with me (I always refused), how he could never play call of duty in front of me because my presence would make him nervous and he'd always under-perform, how he complimented me on what i wore and how i wore it.
I remember him, fixing up his car, and saying he'd take care of me. I remember saying if this was a trap and if he was trying to get me to stay with him for a long time. I remember him smiling, and looking into his deep blue eyes, and saying that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I remember him picking me up after lollapalooza and he was with some other girl. I rememember being jealous. I remember being hurt. I was surprised that he was capable of hurting me and I wondered if it would last long. It didn't.
I remember the first day I hung out with him. Before any of this.
I remember thinking of Aaron and knowing in my heart that I would stay faithful. I remember playing beatles songs and talking to Max about him. I remember not being able to hear a beatles song. I remember going to the party on western. I remember this:
"I'm dancing for you"
"As I'm dreaming about you"
I remember talking to Max about lord of the flies. I remember not remembering anything.
I remember Max freaking out about things with me. I always thought it was funny/kind of cute. He'd always think so negative with me. He'd send me a text, yelling at me, claiming this was the last time he'd ever talk to me, and I'd text back with something and tell him to stop being silly and then all was well again I had my laugh and I called him weird. I remember him calling me a goddess.
Despite how it may look, I never did anything with him besides that one day..when it wasn't really me.
I rememeber thinking about breaking up with Aaron.
I remember Aaron being late.
I remember what Aaron said once we got to the corner of my neighborhood. I'd tell you, but I'm selfish.
I remember seeing Paul McCartney a few hours later.
I remember not thinking of Max for that whole entire night.
I remember when I told him that we couldn't see each other anymore.
It was the day after Aaron left for San Diego.
I remember him not talking anymore. The ramblings stopped. The songs were turned up. I could see the sadness in his eyes. They curled down at the sides. His eyes seemed a darker shade of blue that day. He kept missing stop signs and running through red lights. I remember being sorry. I still am.
I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now.
I'd say I'm horny, but that's not the right word.
I want to trace your body and feel your skin against mine
My favorite part of yesterday was kissing your neck and moving up to your cheeks
and tenderly kissing your lips, and holding it there for however long it seemed right
is this what lust looks like?
i'm convinced i can still fall in love with you.
but i'm tired too.
I want to go to downtown and eat potbellys together and randomly throw snowballs at you.
and maybe even go sledding. I don't want to now, but I know I will sometime soon. I'm really enjoying this space.
i think it's hilarious that we've seen each other at such bad lows.
i'm embarressed and slightly amused.
this is me.
panda said I shouldn't have went yesterday. That I'd freak out about ale or freak out about your intentions or whatever. But honestly, I don't care. I got what I wanted for that moment. The future will figure itself out later. lol... I think it's funny that we both deleted each other off our contact list. You're still not saved.
I think it's cool that you like ale. What wasn't cool was how I decided it affected me. It tied into my self-worth. And that's..that's something.
It's weird because I'm not intimated by who she is, I'm intimated by what you think she is and what you think I am.
But not anymore.
To be honest, it's mostly because I'm tired lol and because I'm happy with who I am. and because relationships that aren't tested are dull and boring.
I'm not sad that we aren't together because I feel like we have to get to know each other again. And this could be fun. Or it could be terrible. I don't know. If it's terrible, then we really have nothing to loose.
I'm sorry I was trying to force things to happen.
I was so bothered by that valentines day shit. Every time I tried to calm down, I thought of it, and ....
But honestly, I fucking hate that typical valentines day shit, and that's exactly what you pulled on her. I don't know why that matters, but it does.
You are so human. :P
And I don't think you are an asshole. I think you are interesting.
I know we could abandon this right now, and be happy by other means. But why fight urges?
When I want something, I want something.
I don't necessarly mean I want you. I hope you understand.
I hope throughout my life, I make the best out of situations.
I hope I stop overanalyzing things and just let things happen and be happy with whatever outcome there is.
I hope I focus on things that matter because lately, I haven't.
I think this is all I have to say.
I've been thinking a lot about what that birthday personality has said about me. It's eerie how true it is. Well, at least when it says "although you are highly communicative, you tend to keep your inner thoughts to yourself".
I'm going to admit to something.
Throughout some time in August, I had feelings for Max. I loved how much he talked. It was funny how much he rambled and how the only time I could really say anything was when he was asking me a question. I love the Youtube videos he would show me, the fact that he watched ghost hunting shows (so lame! i would always tell him how much bullshit he was allowing into his life, but he was all for it), how he hated the Beatles, how he gave badass lightshows, how he would buy me anything, how he speaked Ukranian and would make fun of me everytime I tried to speak it, how enthusastic he was about music, how deadmau5 was always playing in the car, how he really always tried to make an effort with me, and i could always tell, how much of a dumbass he is, the layout of his house, the european shows always playing in the kitchen, and how much i could tell he loved his mom, the fact that he always wanted to shop for clothes with me (I always refused), how he could never play call of duty in front of me because my presence would make him nervous and he'd always under-perform, how he complimented me on what i wore and how i wore it.
I remember him, fixing up his car, and saying he'd take care of me. I remember saying if this was a trap and if he was trying to get me to stay with him for a long time. I remember him smiling, and looking into his deep blue eyes, and saying that that was exactly what he was trying to do. I remember him picking me up after lollapalooza and he was with some other girl. I rememember being jealous. I remember being hurt. I was surprised that he was capable of hurting me and I wondered if it would last long. It didn't.
I remember the first day I hung out with him. Before any of this.
I remember thinking of Aaron and knowing in my heart that I would stay faithful. I remember playing beatles songs and talking to Max about him. I remember not being able to hear a beatles song. I remember going to the party on western. I remember this:
"I'm dancing for you"
"As I'm dreaming about you"
I remember talking to Max about lord of the flies. I remember not remembering anything.
I remember Max freaking out about things with me. I always thought it was funny/kind of cute. He'd always think so negative with me. He'd send me a text, yelling at me, claiming this was the last time he'd ever talk to me, and I'd text back with something and tell him to stop being silly and then all was well again I had my laugh and I called him weird. I remember him calling me a goddess.
Despite how it may look, I never did anything with him besides that one day..when it wasn't really me.
I rememeber thinking about breaking up with Aaron.
I remember Aaron being late.
I remember what Aaron said once we got to the corner of my neighborhood. I'd tell you, but I'm selfish.
I remember seeing Paul McCartney a few hours later.
I remember not thinking of Max for that whole entire night.
I remember when I told him that we couldn't see each other anymore.
It was the day after Aaron left for San Diego.
I remember him not talking anymore. The ramblings stopped. The songs were turned up. I could see the sadness in his eyes. They curled down at the sides. His eyes seemed a darker shade of blue that day. He kept missing stop signs and running through red lights. I remember being sorry. I still am.
I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now.
I'd say I'm horny, but that's not the right word.
I want to trace your body and feel your skin against mine
My favorite part of yesterday was kissing your neck and moving up to your cheeks
and tenderly kissing your lips, and holding it there for however long it seemed right
is this what lust looks like?
i'm convinced i can still fall in love with you.
but i'm tired too.
I want to go to downtown and eat potbellys together and randomly throw snowballs at you.
and maybe even go sledding. I don't want to now, but I know I will sometime soon. I'm really enjoying this space.
i think it's hilarious that we've seen each other at such bad lows.
i'm embarressed and slightly amused.
this is me.
panda said I shouldn't have went yesterday. That I'd freak out about ale or freak out about your intentions or whatever. But honestly, I don't care. I got what I wanted for that moment. The future will figure itself out later. lol... I think it's funny that we both deleted each other off our contact list. You're still not saved.
I think it's cool that you like ale. What wasn't cool was how I decided it affected me. It tied into my self-worth. And that's..that's something.
It's weird because I'm not intimated by who she is, I'm intimated by what you think she is and what you think I am.
But not anymore.
To be honest, it's mostly because I'm tired lol and because I'm happy with who I am. and because relationships that aren't tested are dull and boring.
I'm not sad that we aren't together because I feel like we have to get to know each other again. And this could be fun. Or it could be terrible. I don't know. If it's terrible, then we really have nothing to loose.
I'm sorry I was trying to force things to happen.
I was so bothered by that valentines day shit. Every time I tried to calm down, I thought of it, and ....
But honestly, I fucking hate that typical valentines day shit, and that's exactly what you pulled on her. I don't know why that matters, but it does.
You are so human. :P
And I don't think you are an asshole. I think you are interesting.
I know we could abandon this right now, and be happy by other means. But why fight urges?
When I want something, I want something.
I don't necessarly mean I want you. I hope you understand.
I hope throughout my life, I make the best out of situations.
I hope I stop overanalyzing things and just let things happen and be happy with whatever outcome there is.
I hope I focus on things that matter because lately, I haven't.
I think this is all I have to say.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
if you want to get to know me and morrissey better..
lol we are fucking crazy.
<3
People born specifically on the 22nd of May are presumed to be charismatic, persuasive and intellectual with the typical capable versatility of the Gemini star sign. The astrological planet assigned to this particular day is Uranus making you enthusiastic, creative and good at organizing. If you have this birthday although you are highly communicative you tend to keep your inner thoughts to yourself. You usually have a carefree attitude, lots of dedication and the ability to quickly adapt to changeable situations. You possess a genial, sociable, lively nature that is inquisitive and often likes to collect things. Individuals with a May the twenty second birthday are fairly openminded, realistic and practical with a giving, compassionate temperament. You are methodical in your actions and prone to be a bit of a workaholic who has a tendency to easily lose track of time. Being full of common sense and perceptiveness helps you ordinarily see life from a balanced view.
A high level job satisfaction is often an essential requirement to a person born on the twenty second of May. Career decisions are likely to be made based on the type and purpose of the work rather than its financial rewards. You are quite intelligent but do not usually flaunt it and you may be strongly attracted to occupations involving the written word or communication. Your dedicated adaptability makes you able to choose anything that appeals to your pragmatic and caring disposition. Finances are still important to you making you sensible with spending and saving but sometimes overgenerous.
Main strengths of your character are most apparent in your natural charisma and the friendly perceptive realism you express. These qualities and your unlikelihood to gossip make you well liked and respected in social circles. Other fortes include your hard working persistence and reliable versatility allowing you to make steady progress throughout life. Your sulkiness is probably the strongest personality weakness for those born on May 22nd. Additional weaknesses are the likelihood to be occasionally compulsive and unrealistic especially if feeling irritable or under the weather.
For a Gemini, the person born on the twenty second day of May is typically charming and playful with a youthful approach to romance. You do not like being alone but soon feel tied down and need lots of mental stimulation to stay happy in a love relationship. Friendly, easy going and affectionate you can be more persistent in your pursuit of your fated soul mate than the majority of other zodiac twins. You can once in a while put a partner on an unrealistic pedestal and be a little too possessive and deeply hurt by emotional betrayal. Your sincerity sees you sticking intensely to promises of devotion and fidelity expecting the same from a loved one. Your curiosity encourages you to be attentive in a romantic partnership and uninhibited and passionate in the bedroom. When things are not going your way you are inclined to be demanding of attention and sulky like a child.
<3
People born specifically on the 22nd of May are presumed to be charismatic, persuasive and intellectual with the typical capable versatility of the Gemini star sign. The astrological planet assigned to this particular day is Uranus making you enthusiastic, creative and good at organizing. If you have this birthday although you are highly communicative you tend to keep your inner thoughts to yourself. You usually have a carefree attitude, lots of dedication and the ability to quickly adapt to changeable situations. You possess a genial, sociable, lively nature that is inquisitive and often likes to collect things. Individuals with a May the twenty second birthday are fairly openminded, realistic and practical with a giving, compassionate temperament. You are methodical in your actions and prone to be a bit of a workaholic who has a tendency to easily lose track of time. Being full of common sense and perceptiveness helps you ordinarily see life from a balanced view.
A high level job satisfaction is often an essential requirement to a person born on the twenty second of May. Career decisions are likely to be made based on the type and purpose of the work rather than its financial rewards. You are quite intelligent but do not usually flaunt it and you may be strongly attracted to occupations involving the written word or communication. Your dedicated adaptability makes you able to choose anything that appeals to your pragmatic and caring disposition. Finances are still important to you making you sensible with spending and saving but sometimes overgenerous.
Main strengths of your character are most apparent in your natural charisma and the friendly perceptive realism you express. These qualities and your unlikelihood to gossip make you well liked and respected in social circles. Other fortes include your hard working persistence and reliable versatility allowing you to make steady progress throughout life. Your sulkiness is probably the strongest personality weakness for those born on May 22nd. Additional weaknesses are the likelihood to be occasionally compulsive and unrealistic especially if feeling irritable or under the weather.
For a Gemini, the person born on the twenty second day of May is typically charming and playful with a youthful approach to romance. You do not like being alone but soon feel tied down and need lots of mental stimulation to stay happy in a love relationship. Friendly, easy going and affectionate you can be more persistent in your pursuit of your fated soul mate than the majority of other zodiac twins. You can once in a while put a partner on an unrealistic pedestal and be a little too possessive and deeply hurt by emotional betrayal. Your sincerity sees you sticking intensely to promises of devotion and fidelity expecting the same from a loved one. Your curiosity encourages you to be attentive in a romantic partnership and uninhibited and passionate in the bedroom. When things are not going your way you are inclined to be demanding of attention and sulky like a child.
Monday, February 25, 2013
i am genuinely happy at this very moment
the question is "what?"
look. i'm happy
just kidding.
or am I?
nahh i'm not keedinnn
classic peace sign pose
now i'm off to smoke with two of my favorite people plus pedro and his cat sidewinder.
aumi, javi, and panda are currently tripping on acid. I wish I could be at two places at once.
I love weird people.
I've decided that I'm a pretty big drug enthusiast and i'm done feeling kind of guilty about it.
I LOVE LSD, SHROOMS, WEED, AND ECSTASY.
I LOVE LSD, SHROOMS, WEED, AND ECSTASY.
comparisons
How some people view my mind:
I really think you are a illluminated mind
I was really impressed by your intelligence during our conversation
And how you express your ideas
I think you will have a great future
mind the grammar, he is from Brazil.
mind my grammar, I went to schurz.
LMFAO. Mr.Wolen would have been proud of that one.
LMFAO. Mr.Wolen would have been proud of that one.
How I view my mind:
the random mess that is me
Music has been sounding extra awesome and it's always sunny in philadelphia has been extra funny.
I love Turn on the Bright Lights. Just the album and who the band was when they created it. I don't like any of their other stuff.
I love being in wicker park. Walking there always feels like a warm embrace of fond memories and a knowing that more will form soon.
I love certain gestures. Certain gestures make me want to look affectionately at someone. My mind does it for me, since my eyes can't.
I love people. But I also hate them.
I also think some of the are smelly.
My sister's friend coined my nickname in grammar school: Smelly Ely.
I think it's beautiful and also fustrating how complex humans are. The worst part is that I'm a human.
I have a method to my madness.
I like people who are contradictions, like me.
I love this man. He is up there. Right along with Charlie Todd.
There are few people I'd ride the bus more than 2 hours for.
It's funny the different perceptions there are on Paul.
Have you ever craved someone in a way that was impossible to attain?
Yesterday I kept taking pictures of myself because I was high and I was like whoa..this is me. Is it really? No, maybe not.
I have to stop making my dad sad. It sucks that my happiness gets in the way of his happiness.
I'm never at home because I hate being there. I'm very much excited to move out.
My little brother has a really good sense of humor. It came out of no where.
I hate being in pilsen. I've been spending too much time in the south side. I guess maybe it's because I could potentionally love it but I feel like I'd need to go through a hell of a process to do that and I rather just avoid all that.
I love certain gestures. Certain gestures make me want to look affectionately at someone. My mind does it for me, since my eyes can't.
I love people. But I also hate them.
I also think some of the are smelly.
My sister's friend coined my nickname in grammar school: Smelly Ely.
I think it's beautiful and also fustrating how complex humans are. The worst part is that I'm a human.
I have a method to my madness.
I like people who are contradictions, like me.
"Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times. I found moments of peace in cheap rooms just staring at the knobs of some dresser or listening to the rain in the dark. The less I needed, the better I felt."
Why can't we be friends Charles Bukowski?
In the afterlife? Ok..the afterlife.
Can you imagine me and Bukowski being reincarnated into dogs and being best friends and causing havoc wherever we go and really really annoying our owner. That'd be cool.
In the afterlife? Ok..the afterlife.
Can you imagine me and Bukowski being reincarnated into dogs and being best friends and causing havoc wherever we go and really really annoying our owner. That'd be cool.
Hehe, he'd totally be a medium sized dog!
Note to self: People I am fond of and what dog breed they would be.
I don't nec. agree with everything Bukowski says, but i definitely admire it.
Note to self: People I am fond of and what dog breed they would be.
I don't nec. agree with everything Bukowski says, but i definitely admire it.
There are so many fucking pigeons on clark and lake. They are funny. Especially when I think they are swarming at me, on the verge of violence, when in reality there is just a piece of bread behind me.
There are few people I'd ride the bus more than 2 hours for.
I've been told my only defect is my lack of knowledge in movies, but trust me sir, there are plently more. Guys like you make me laugh and not out of humor.
Stupid checklists.
I'm just going to stop talking about what I'm going to do and just do it and then talk about it once it happens after.
The semi colon and the colon are my favorite punctuation marks. Yerika can confirm this.
I found out two days ago that my friend has been a heroin addict since she was a freshman. She just revealed this to me since she got out of rehab a few weeks prior to me seeing her. I love her. She's so great and funny and I love when she spends the night. I love that her sick sense of humor, the most. You would think I would get offended or on the defense or something but no, I laugh hysterically. I guess it's because......... she's funny. lmfao..ahh yes..the grand conclusion. Anyway, yeah, she's awesome, and a little fucked up, but who cares. It's not like she's putting her dick in my cereal or anything. *
I wonder if Paul McCartney and I would have had a chance at friendship.
I definietely would not have wanted to go out with him.
I definietely would not have wanted to go out with him.
I know everyone thinks I'd fuck him, but nah, I wouldn't. I just say I would because I'm lazy. I want me some platonic love with this fool.
He is attractive though. I mean, that face.
I like hugs. Friends can give hugs.
I like hugs. Friends can give hugs.
It's funny the different perceptions there are on Paul.
Some people think he is this some people think he is that but one thing is for sure: he's a beatle!
lmfao...what? that is not where i wanted this conversation to go.
Mickayla texted me to tell me she was watching Family guy and a scene with the Beatles in it was playing:
*ringo voice* Ringo: "Look..I wrote a song"
*paul voice* Paul: "That's great ringo. I'll put it right here on the refigerator"
*paul voice* Paul: "That's great ringo. I'll put it right here on the refigerator"
Bahahaha, beatle jokes. love em'.
I like it's always sunny in philalephia because it pokes fun at serious situations in a way that makes sense.
Have you ever craved someone in a way that was impossible to attain?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
I miss being a man
Hahahaha oh god, we look ridiculous.The chick in the middle drew a mom tattoo on her arm lmfao..
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
it takes a certain kind of love song
to actually be a love song.
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror
(reflect what you are)
out to blunt cruise with Loony :D
edit: It's funny because I'm sure a few years ago I wouldn't agree with this at all. I would have been like, why can't he be his own mirror? Lol.
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror
(reflect what you are)
out to blunt cruise with Loony :D
edit: It's funny because I'm sure a few years ago I wouldn't agree with this at all. I would have been like, why can't he be his own mirror? Lol.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
really looking forward to being 20
behind every great fortune lies a great crime.
he asked me
do i
sit and think about the things
i do
and what they mean
Saturday, February 9, 2013
i like stories
Dot soon discovered that John already had a girlfriend named Cynthia, whom she quickly became good friends with, and who remembers Dot as a "gentle soul who spoke in whispers and blushed frequently". Seeing as her favourite was already taken, she turned her attention towards Paul who was a little slow asking her out, so she worked out a way of getting him on his own. "We were sitting around talking and I said I felt a bit woozy, that I might faint, and went outside into the garden. Paul came out after me to see if I was all right and it was then that he said ‘D’you fancy going out?’ This had been my plan and it worked a treat. But although I had moments of being very bold, all the doubts then came out. Anyway, I said yes, and we agreed to meet somewhere. It could have been Penny Lane which was roughly half way between our houses. The first date was the pictures. We didn’t have any money to go anywhere else.
Paul soon wanted to move their relationship onto another level, but Dorothy was reticent, not being as experienced in these things as him and still a virgin. "I had to fight him off - maybe that was the attraction for him. All the other girls were falling at his feet." But Paul was sweet and charming, singing romantic songs for her and making her feel part of his home life at Forthlin Road. She resisted the temptation for about four months and then finally succombed around Christmas 1959, telling her mother she was going to stay at a friend’s and then sneaking round to Paul’s house when his dad was staying with one of Paul’s Aunts. "I was terrified that someone might come back, but I couldn’t fight him off any more. Paul was kind and gentle. After that we were frequent lovers, and it just felt right."
Dorothy not only fell in love with Paul, but she also fell in love with his whole family who were so very different from her own. "I think I was probably in love with Paul because I loved his family, too. His Aunties were great. One of them always came round on a Monday night to do the washing and make supper. And I loved his dad too - he was great. At Christmas and new year I would go there and it was so different to my house. They had brilliant parties and they would play music together, Paul on guitar and his dad on piano... Paul was always writing songs and he would try them out on me. He would say that he wrote them for me. Two songs, Love Of The Loved and PS I Love You he said were definitely for me... I remember the first bit, something about ‘Each time I look into your eyes I see the love of the loved.’ but no more. It is such a long time ago... PS I Love You must have been written later, in Hamburg, because the words were about writing home to a loved one."
By late 1961 Paul started visitng her less, and when he did visit there would be dreadful rows. "John was really kind to me and was always telling Paul he should be nicer." Then Brain Epstein became the Beatles manager. "He said we couldn't go to the concert's anymore. We obeyed him. We were very annoyed but we thought, if it helped their careers we would do it... I could see that Paul wa growing away from me. I knew what was coming. And all these years he had been having his bits on the side and it was getting so easy for him. he was young and he couldn't resist. That was a time of sadness but also release. I didn't keep trying so hard or worrying about trying to keep up, or saying the right things or not having my hair right or not being enough fun"
The relationship ended in the Summer of 1962 when The Beatles were weeks away from national fame. Dorothy will never forget the night Paul visited her and told her they had to break up. He called unexpectedly at her flat when she was wearing her mother's cami-knickers and a baggy old sweater, with her hair in rollers. "Paul said we'd been going out so long that it was either get married or split up. He said 'I don't want to get married, so even though I love you we'll have to finish.' He didn't cry but I knew he felt badly and he was sorry, just by the way he looked. I burst out crying. I said how can you do this? What am I going to do? I thought he might come back because it had been three years, but I suppose really I knew." Dot's friend Sandra Hedges remembers that Dot's pushing to get Paul to marry her was indeed a large factor in them splitting up: "Dot wanted them to be married as were their friends John and Cynthia who lived upstairs. In an attempt to shake Paul, she returned home to her parents. Two weeks later Paul became the love of the world; the famous ticker-tape welcome in America, his face in every newpaper, every newscast. Despair! A year later we bade farewell to Dot when she emigrated to Canada and I recall once saying to her: 'I'm fed up with those lads from the art college practicing in our front room every Sunday. You'll never get anywhere with them'."
a car ride I was very fond of
P.S LYRIC I LIKE:
"she's always calling my bluff"
I love interpol. Fucking love it.
My aunt says she hasn't listened to Interpol in years.
straight jammin'
I remember being, what was it, eleven? and, listening to this song. My sister had the album. I was really into Sum 41 and Simple Plan around this time too. I remember I wouldn't talk to people when this song was on. I remember my leg hurting and telling my sister to put this song on to make me feel better.
I still like it.
I still know the lyrics.
The first album I ever bought was an Avril Lavigne album (Under my skin). My sister owned Let Go.
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