I feel like bashing on myself............. I don't know why that will just make me feel good.

my music seems passed around.
it has no value.
I don't understand learning to play an instruments.
all I will ever have is potential it seems.
I lack discipline in everything, even in something you would think I would love.
I don't know what to do with all these books, they seem to be mocking me at times
I don't trust anyone.
I wish I could just disown all of what I am at times and just take a break
I need some time to think here
Art is a fucking joke
just like everything else
Music is nice sometimes..just like everything else..except for maybe murder or whatever..and even at that...
I'm not going to change the world most likely
well at least that's how if eel now.
Compliments make me nervous
I'm confused by everyone and everything.
I don't feel like buyin anything on fucking etsy anymore.
it's stupid to be surrounded by the things you love
too much
I guess
life is about a balance
and here it ends with some hippie bullshit once more...
I'll be positive so I guess I'll take it
I haven't whole-heartingly done and said things as of late that I could really understand
ALl I'm glad is that I did what I did today and I don't know what I did really. Just gave myself time to think. 
I'm tired of reading this fuckin poetry. I'm tired of these fucking questions. I'm tired of this music being passed around and finding comfort in a stability that doesn't exist. ,I'm tired of myself and I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. My reading online classes. Great. We're analyzing Kite Runner. Awesome.

I need to find somewhere within school that will make me feel comfortable.
Or maybe just have better endurance
Or maybe try to accept it..but that didn't work ely..or just maybe not say anything..but that's not fun...but after it's not so much fun either.

I feel so fuckin stupid. I really do. And that's because I am. but I don't thnk there is anything wrong with that. It just depends on what kind of stupid you are..and even then..I'd still probably give you a cookie.

me & my fucking cookies

My room looks like a fuckin mess all the time because I don't think I'll ever be happy with how anything is ever. 
i'm not artistic, just overly dramatic and anxious.

fuck the dictionary. haven't opened that bitch in forever.

I don't know why I'm so worked up about this but this is what is coming out.

I'm scared of just becoming a hoarder

thins make sense and I want them to stay that way but I should listen to my own advice that everything is contextual

why do I want thins to stay that way? For a false sense of comfort? Ohh yes, I'm definitely in line for that one..


I really want to destroy everything that I am.
You can take Ghandi with you too...
and all the things I've laughed at that I've only half understood or times where blahh

I'm sick of this zodiac shit too.
I'm sick of tattoos
No I am not sick of Toby lol
and I am even sick of The Beatles
I just don't want to listen to them right now

Why do I feel so trapped all the time
maybe it's because I trap myself
I drown myself in my own thoughts
oh there I go personifying things again..aren't I such a riot...

tonight I got exactly what I needed. tonight I drove around aimlessly with a friend and we hardly spoke a word to each other. tonight I got exactly what I needed.

let's hope I stay this way, but I know I won't.

I'm not gonna lie though. Schindler's theme is totally playing in my head and I'm really digging it despite everything.

it's been hard to do anything with my journal lately..
I have another one..and while I'm very happy abut the new addition..I'm also really overwhelmed..

sometimes I say things to be nice but i'm thinking now that I just might look like an idiot and maybe it's just best to stay quiet and wait.

i'm extremely overwhelmed

I'd just like to go to sleep now.