I remember when I was twelve years old and I would cry to the quote "never make someone your everything because once they're gone you're left with nothing".
It's interesting to  note how that makes me laugh now.

I think it's impossible to make someone your world.
How can someone be your world when there is so much more going on outside of them?
I guess what they mean is that there isn't. That day in and day out you see the same person and do the same things and feel the same feelings until someone says there is nothing left to feel and they walk out.
isn't that the worst? when relationships turn dull and bland. I think I rather have a relationship end in an argument than have a relationship end dull and blandly. I just feel it's distasteful. I like feeling emotions to their fullest degree.
Most of my relationships have ended dull and blandly, for me anyway.  And I don't say that condescendingly, I mean that honestly.

I'm proud of myself for staying home today and deciding to do homework.
^-^
I had a brief amount of fresh air to breathe today with Tim, Jason, Will, and Allyson. It was nice.

an interesting conversation, I think, I really love my friends, but we all seem a bit depressed.
We have happy exteriors.

 

F:

my soul hurts

 

10:02pm

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Ely Barajas

mine does too

I feel it's because i'm after an escape that doesn't exist

 

 F

what do u mean

10:03pm

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i just wish there was pure bliss that i could indulge myself in

that'd be

nice

consistently..throughout the day

throughout the night

throughout my life

that's what i want

and i feel terrible that i can't have it

and that i have to deal with

the reality of being human

and having to endure

so many things that comes with it and

i don't want to endure these things

that so many people have endured before me

I don't know what's left for me to do except poke at life

it's bullshit

everything

school, relationships, jokes, words, putting things into context, land

everything except for animals

but I know I won't feel this way forever

but this is what looms inside of who I am...

I'm constantly searching for an escape

I wish I could take breaks from being who I am and all the emotional/intellectual

involvement/investment that comes along with it and just be nothing for a while. absolutely

nothing.

I've been feeling a bit robotic lately.

what's bothering you?

 

 

F:

sacrifices

im tired of suffering

im tired of suffering for people who dont care

im tired of beating myself up for people i dont even know

im tired of being a slave to a being i dont even fully understand

im tired of settingmy dreams aside for someone elses

im hurting a lot

for the first time in so long

ive never felt more lonely nd unappreciated in my life

10:07pm

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Ely Barajas

:(

i know what you mean

i mean

not really,

because every situation is different

but i can speculate..and..I've felt this to some degree

and i don't know..it sucks..because we feel bad..but what are we supposed to do?

how do we deal with this? i don't know..

ignore the problem or face it?

 

 

F:

we cant ignore it

it gets worse

we cant face it

bc were weak

these days i find myself crying over the pain of strangers

all i see i remember

all i see is pain

i wish i could take that pain away

i wish i could make everyones life better

i wouldnt care if i had to die with it

just knowing people wont feel anything bad anymore

makes it worth it

i wish i could feed the hungry

i wish i could clothe the poor

even if ive never had a home in my life

i wish everyone else could