it's amazing that what I've been trying to articulate for quite some time can be summed up nicely by Bukowski in a few sentences.

"He has a big cock," said Fay. "He was over the other night and he asked me, 'How would you like to be fucked with a big cock?' and I told him, 'I would rather be fucked with love!'"

I also really liked this:
"I thought the post office was driving me crazy. Now you come along."

decisions..decisions..decisions....

I talked to a teacher about his teachings and he said he wishes the kids listened more. That he has long grown tired of going through bullshit for the sake of nothing. I asked him if he would have liked teaching at a selective enrollment school and he said it would have been a nice change. I told him that ms.bailey used to teach at whitney and she hated it because the kids were so pretentious and every B she assigned as a grade would be questioned by so and sos parents and she just had enough and found more comfort at Schurz, which sucks in it's own way too, but I guess, in her eyes, not as much.
It's interesting you know.
all these heavens and hells seem to follow us in different forms and ways. no matter what, I think, they'll always be there..for everyone. hell knows no boundaries, but it's comforting to know that neither does heaven.

heaven.

hm.

When I was at tedx, this guy who made the #1 harry potter website in the world and got to meet J.K Rowling and do all these things said that he felt like "the luckiest kid in the world"
Now, I'm glad he feels that way, but....
I guess Bukowski can say it better than I can:

"A young black girl walked up. She was well-dressed and seemed pleased with her surroundings. I was happy for her. I would have gone mad with the same job".

I wasn't inspired by most of the Tedx speeches this year. I was just kind of like "good job person" lol. Only a handful did the trick for me and it was people who just talked about their lives and passion and why they feel so passionate about it. I still need to "plant some shit."
My favorite part of Tedx is talking to the people who attend there.
This year, I got to talk to a doctor. I asked him what his idea of success is and he said something that I think will stay with me for a long time "when I do something that feels right. Even when I can't help a patient, I know that I'm doing right."
This doctor helped patients with rare illnesses. Things that less than 1% of the population has and not enough funding goes to because it isn't considered a "worth enough cause" compared to cancer and other big illnesses. Hm.
I also talked to the photographer of Tedx. I needed help figuring out who the cartoonist was, because he was my favorite, and he wasn't on the pamphlet and he told me where I can find out. After he told me, he pointed at my badge, where you list down three interests of yours that a stranger can ask you about, and he said "Bukowski!"
and I said "Bukowski!"
and we talked and he told me about how once he thought he could the next bukowski and how he can't really ever read it anymore because it brings him back to the days of his drug addiction and I told him I was very happy that he had such a great job and how I felt about bukowski and the beatles and he nodded and listened and gave the smile ms.bailey gives me and starting taking photos of me while I talked.
he told me to read Hunter S. Thompson.
I will.
I later realized that that is one of Tim's favorite authors. I knew I had heard it somewhere..
Anyway, I don't know.
I asked another person what their idea of success was and he said "when you reach short and long term goals". I wasn't impressed.
I asked another guy and he said "when I can be living in a small apartment with my cat, making video games." I liked that one.
I asked his friend, a girl, and she said "I don't think I'll ever reach success. I think once I reach success, success will become something new". I liked the answer, but I didn't like it too.
I never eat my lunch when I attend tedx events. It never seems worth wasting that much time.


I have to go now because I have a therapy appointment because I am crazy. I enjoy it though.