I'll always cherish our friendship, even if it's non-existent now.
The argument was really stupid. I just don't really have a tolerance for anyone who tells me how to live my life. Even if they are doing it out of genuine care, they should know me better to know that you can not force anything onto me.
I still love you Yerika. We've had some really good times. I love how strongly I could make you laugh. How much we complimented each other. Of course they were bad times, but they were bad times worth working on and if we didn't, time usually did it for us. I know you're probably off hanging out with Yesenia or some other person you used to not like now so you won't be reading this, but I don't know, it feels good to say it.
I really wish you the best and that you learn to accept yourself whole-heartingly because I feel like that is honestly what got in the way. I think you masked a lot of how you were feeling because you were afraid to seem weak or because emotions turned you off or maybe you were just confused like the rest of us. Weakness is nothing to be ashamed about though. I wish you could have admitted it. I didn't really know how to help you and I'm sorry if you expected more from me than I could give. All I know is that I cared and I still do and I wish you were more honest, direct. I know life wasn't really working on your terms....
Or at least, this is how I looked at it. This is what I saw.
I hope this frame of mind can help you understand why I spoke out in indignation. I thought you were too busy focusing on other peoples problems when you should have been focusing on your own. The dishonesty frustrated me. When I told you the things I told you, I didn't mean to have my problems become yours. I just wanted you to listen and...well, love me.
I'll miss the days of making fun out of nothing and stepphenwolf and D.C and burger bar and driving around for hours aimlessly and the hugs. I'll really miss the hugs. And your sisters! And binky!
But they'll always be here in this heart of mine. I know I won't find them in yours. I wish you didn't throw all them away, although I can understand why you did.
Don't worry. We can make copies lol. Or restore from trash.
I'm sorry that I can get angry. I say dumb things when I'm angry. I try to stay calm but it can be difficult and when it happens, my judgment is clouded. I know you understand this. I'm sorry I'm so inconsistent. This is who I am. I'm sorry I don't do things the right way. My right isn't as clear as yours. And most importantly, I'm sorry that I hurt you.
Perhaps it's best that this happened. "and everybody's got to live their lives..and god knows I've got to live mine.."
Maybe in a few years, I'll see you in Cali. Let's hope time works for us one more..time.
Love always,
Ely.
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