I FOUND MY STROKES AND MODEST MOUSE ALBUMS!

you see..
there is no use in worrying.
wasted energy.

bring it on, life.

every day in every way i am getting better and better.

It's comforting to know that although I might not have all the people I have now in my life, I'll always have Morrissey, Paul Banks, Thom Yorke, Modest Mouse,George, Paul, John, and Ringo. That seems more than enough, doesn't it?

If we're being honest, MORRISSEY is more than enough.
I always feel eerily hopeful when I listen to this song.
"there is another world...there is a better world...there must be.."

your voice. the things it does to me. 

Good morning everyone, everywhere.

I woke up today and my first thought was "being an adult is doing all the things you don't want to do."

all theories
like clichés
shot to hell,
all these small faces
looking up
beautiful and believing;
I wish to weep
but sorrow is
stupid.
I wish to believe
but belief is a
graveyard.
we have narrowed it down to
the butcherknife and the
mockingbird.
wish us
luck.

No title by Charles Bukowski

I LOVE parks and recreation!
in this particular scene I'm bringing up, everyone is drunk off snake juice.

aziz a.k.a tom: i'm like an elephant..when i walk in the room..they're like.."i know he's there."

LMFAO oh man.

Aubrey Plaza, the things I'd do to you. Seriously.

 Remember when I said I kinda miss Crystal? well now I really miss Crystal. I seen her running today. Her goofy ass.  It's weird like..I have this achey feeling in my chest. I just want to hug her and laugh and have a good time giving inanimate things voices.

i always feel better with one parent around..

mur mur mur mur murrrrr and some more mur mur mur mur mur. and why don't we just throw some yadda yadda there too? that looks good.

never loose your value even if someone else fails to recognize it.
walking home, I ran into a sticker that said "live the life you love."
I'm planning on doing just that.


I'm hungry. 

surprises let me know she cares

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says they're going to do a nice thing and they don't fall through with it. If you are going to do a nice thing, you should just do it. Don't talk about it. Just do it. Unless you are really excited about it and can't contain yourself, then yeah I understand. Just make sure you do it.

I'm excited to finally unleash all the surprises I had up my sleeve today :D

I wish I could see Jack! My goal is to get to know all the dogs on my block and the border collie on Campbell. The only dog I don't want to get to know is the golden retriever that lives across the street down  in the direction toward schubert because I don't think it's possible. His owners own the nicest house on the block and they seem distant. It's sad.

My little brothers are so excited to let me borrow their pokemon cards. They're so cute for that.

edit: but I also get that change occurs from the time you say it to the time where they're in the store and the opportunity arises in which they can buy it..maybe they need the money? or maybe you're just not as cool to them anymore. or maybe you should just be appreciative of the fact that someone wants to give you something.

a car ride with my aunt

you're right tia.

If I could describe myself in one word

it would be this: trip.
and if you think that's a terrible word, well that says a lot more about you than it does about me, and that's okay.

I can't wait to fire-hoop this summer.  I wonder what it's going to feel like. Exhilarating. Let's hope.

http://doorwaybetweentworooms.wordpress.com/
Sayda is magnificent. Her writing is so ...so.....
I don't know. All I'm saying is that I wish I could write like her and I don't ever really say that. I'm so appreciative of the fact that she lets us take a peek at what her world looks like.

I've decided that Literature is awesome. Completely awesome. Just the very idea of Literature is great. Even if it might be pointless, which it sometimes is to one person or another, the simple fact that someone could recreate a thought, an emotion, a happening and transfer it to another human being is just mind blowing. I'm fascinated by the fact that there are so many words in this world, so many different ways to convey one thing....

fucking art man. I'm going to dedicate my life to this. And even if you don't like it, I don't care. I'm living my life for myself, not my customers. I'll make it work. I always do.

if I never see you again
I will always carry you
inside
outside

on my fingertips
and at brain edges

and in centers
centers
of what I am of
what remains.

- Charles Bukowski

I'm a flower.

just trying to figure out what kind.

for aumi/panda

I really love this:

It makes me want to hoop.

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm,
we can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable

Oh well the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning, in his grin.

Love is like a sin my love
For the ones that feels it the most

a commenter: "too much win"
lmaooo.

every day in every way I am getting better and better

where is my panda bear at lol.

favorites:
phrase: same difference
word: exuberance, exhilarating, overwhelming, feel

"interpretations lost in translation.."
 do you think words rhyme for a reason?
like they're cousins or something lol..
:p

i kinda miss this:

I definitely miss her mom. I should stop by and say hi.I will do that soon.

my newphews

Aside from animals, I'm very fond of little kids. Yes, they might get annoying, but they're only teaching you patience. I'm so appreciative of their zest for life, their never-ending curiosity, their innocence, their cute little voices, and their hilarious logic. I love talking to them.
It always amazes me how when something goes wrong, they start crying, longing for comfort. They feel something they don't even understand yet.
They're so precious. So fragile.
I wasn't so fond of them before, but something changed within me about a year ago.

me: "hey cutie"
david: "noo.i not cutie. i david aguliar."
me: "you're david aguiliar"
david: *all self-assured about it* mhm.

david: *points at hand made for jewelery* what's that?
me: it's a hand..you like my hand?
david:*marvels* oohhh niiiiiiceeeee. yeah tia. i like your hand.

I need to start putting my abstract thoughts into the concrete. Why is that so difficult? I'm getting better though.
"every day in every way..I am getting better and better."

wearing my heart on my sleeve

My heart feels heavy.
My mom just broke up with me. I’m fine with only me knowing what that really means.

I feel bad for the things that I do to her, but I can’t help the fact that she makes me so angry. Every little thing about her makes me want to scream in agony; makes me feel like I’m pushing and shoving boulder. I get tired.  This is something I think about, but always refrain from voicing out loud. It makes less real and more likely that I’ll find peace. But as much as much as I push it aside, it still looms in my subconscious.

I’m so sensitive to tones of voices, to mannerism, and my mom makes me feel like someone is suffocating me. I drown in her way of being. It kills me. 

I don’t know what to do because I’m not just a daughter, I’m also a human.

Why is it that the only time she can open up to me is when Clara is around? Why can’t she talk to me the way she talks when she is around? At home, loud voices over power whatever point she is trying to get aross. And man, how I wish we could just find some mutual ground.

I’ve never thought of my mom as a role model. Never.  Never once crossed my mind, and if it did I was probably too young to remember and it doesn’t matter now. It’s sad because I don’t think I ever will.

My mom has had a very troubled life. I understand. My dad has done some horrible things to her. All her kids have disrespected her in one way or another. But we all have our own sides..our own sufferings that we can’t just put aside for one person.

I know that outside of her hard rock exterior lies a woman that just wants to be loved. A woman who has once smiled from ear to ear and longs to feel that way again.  

There is this picture of my mom and dad that kills me. It absolutely kills me. It’s a picture of my mom, dad, and some flamingo chick. My dad had taken my mom on a cruise. Sounds awesome right? But it doesn’t ever really matter where you are, just who you are with. In the photo, my dad is all smiles, but he doesn’t have his arms around my mom, he has it around that flamingo chick. My mom looks like she wants something, but is too insecure to say it. She just kind of leans toward my dad, isn’t thinking fast enough to put on a false smile, and my dad..well, he’s leaning toward the other girl. It kills me. It absolutely kills me. But I don’t think it kills me as much as my mom.

I’d say my mom deserves better than my dad, but that’s not right. I guess what I mean is that I wish she found someone she was more compatible with. I don’t want to undermine my dad’s own wants, struggles, and his awesome personality. But there is no point in wishing. It gets you nowhere.

I wonder if my mom realizes that I think about this as much as I do. I bet she doesn’t. I bet she thinks that I’m just tossing hula-hoops around and smoking dope and never once carrying this heavy feeling around. She never read the paper I wrote that got me into the writing program at Bard. It was about her and everyone else. I told her to read it. She never did.  I understand, but I wish she did.

I wonder what it’s like refraining from talking because you’re afraid you’ll sound stupid.

I remember once my brother told me about why him and Casey were arguing. She had made a comment about how my mom talks. Why does it hurt more when someone says something about someone you love than when they say something about you? I wish I could just take things like that away, but I can't.They're always there, even when they're gone. They leave an imprint. 

I hate going to the grocery store with my mom.  Mostly because I hate how she looks at things. It makes me so uncomfortable.  I remember once she told me that one day she’d buy the maple syrup that was twice as much as the maple syrup that we bought. It was from that fancy brand and the look of it played the part. I hate when she brings things home. Stupid things. She bought these two fancy salt & pepper shakers for the house. She longs for these material things. I think they give her comfort. I think that’s okay. It’s okay to want things. It just kills me because I wish my dad could give them to her or I wish I could or I just wish she didn’t feel so unfulfilled, you know?

And you would think I would think about this before I opened my mouth to yell at her, but I don’t. All I hear is her voice. It consumes my soul, eats it alive.
By the time I realized what I've done, it's already too late. 

Whatever energy you give to this universe, you will get in return. And that’s exactly what happens.

What am I supposed to do guys? I’ll never reach that picnic…

Here’s to being optimistic and not giving up.

Thanks for listening.

after thought: I'm thinking about all the things Yerika had to say about how I treat my dad and how I should treat him better. You painted me out to be abusive. You told me things I already know. The thing is there was so much that you didn't.

"why are you judging people so damn hard..you're taking your point of a view a bit too far..."

Anyway, deep breath.
Here I go, life.

It's funny how things can just work out. I feel like the universe is on my side.
Remember: what you put out into this universe, you will get in return.

I've just been listening to music, painting, and decorating my room. I guess the painting falls into decorating my room. I'm not even sad that I've spent most of my day inside and alone. I guess it's because the windows are open. OH I also had my first pokemon duel with my little brothers. It was actually pretty fun. I can't wait to play with Panda & Aumi. They love Pokemon. Panda even has Ash's hat lol.
Did you know that when I first listened to Kid A (radiohead) I didn't really understand the album? I started loving it when I started painting. I needed sound, but I didn't want it to be overbearing. Kid A was just the thing. It sort of grew on me afterwards. Radiohead. You're like a friend. The other album got me immediately though. I guess it was because Kid A was their most experimental.

Inside "OK computer":
Jump out of bed as soon as you hear the alarm clock!! You may also find it useful spending five minutes each morning saying to yourself: "every day in every way I am getting better and better". Perhaps it is a good idea to start a new day with the right frame of mind.

Clara says any time I feel anxious to take deep breaths and picture all my anxieties going away with the exhale. I love deep breaths. It's like a pause. It's like washing away.
I hope it can help one of you. 


Let it Enfold you by Charles Bukowski

Let It Enfold You

either peace or happiness,
let it enfold you

when I was a young man
I felt these things were
dumb, unsophisticated.
I had bad blood, a twisted
mind, a precarious
upbringing.

I was hard as granite, I
leered at the
sun.
I trusted no man and
especially no
woman.

I was living a hell in
small rooms, I broke
things, smashed things,
walked through glass,
cursed.
I challenged everything,
was continually being
evicted, jailed,in and
out of fights, in and out
of my mind.
women were something
to screw and rail
at, I had no male
freinds,

I changed jobs and
cities, I hated holidays,
babies, history,
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,
english accents,spain,
france,italy,walnuts and
the color
orange.
algebra angred me,
opera sickened me,
charlie chaplin was a
fake
and flowers were for
pansies.

peace and happiness to me
were signs of
inferiority,
tenants of the weak
and
addled
mind.

but as I went on with
my alley fights,
my suicidal years,
my passage through
any number of
women-it gradually
began to occur to
me
that I wasn't different

from the
others, I was the same,

they were all fulsome
with hatred,
glossed over with petty
greivances,
the men I fought in
alleys had hearts of stone.
everybody was nudging,
inching, cheating for
some insignificant
advantage,
the lie was the
weapon and the
plot was
empty,
darkness was the
dictator.

cautiously, I allowed
myself to feel good
at times.
I found moments of
peace in cheap
rooms
just staring at the
knobs of some
dresser
or listening to the
rain in the
dark.
the less I needed
the better I
felt.

maybe the other life had worn me
down.
I no longer found
glamour
in topping somebody
in conversation.
or in mounting the
body of some poor
drunken female
whose life had
slipped away into
sorrow.

I could never accept
life as it was,
i could never gobble
down all its
poisons
but there were parts,
tenous magic parts
open for the
asking.

I re formulated
I don't know when,
date, time, all
that
but the change
occured.
something in me
relaxed, smoothed
out.
i no longer had to
prove that I was a
man,

I did'nt have to prove
anything.

I began to see things:
coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a
cafe.
or a dog walking along
a sidewalk.
or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
stopped there
with its body,
its ears,
its nose,
it was fixed,
a bit of life
caught within itself
and its eyes looked
at me
and they were
beautiful.
then- it was
gone.

I began to feel good,
I began to feel good
in the worst situations
and there were plenty
of those.
like say, the boss
behind his desk,
he is going to have
to fire me.

I've missed too many
days.
he is dressed in a
suit, necktie, glasses,
he says, 'I am going
to have to let you go'

'it's all right' I tell
him.

He must do what he
must do, he has a
wife, a house, children.
expenses, most probably
a girlfreind.

I am sorry for him
he is caught.

I walk onto the blazing
sunshine.
the whole day is
mine
temporailiy,
anyhow.

(the whole world is at the
throat of the world,
everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated,
everybody is despondent,
dissillusioned)

I welcomed shots of
peace, tattered shards of
happiness.

I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,
like high heels, breasts,
singing,the
works.

(dont get me wrong,
there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism
that overlooks all
basic problems just for
the sake of
itself-
this is a shield and a
sickness.)

The knife got near my
throat again,
I almost turned on the
gas
again
but when the good
moments arrived
again
I did'nt fight them off
like an alley
adversary.
I let them take me,
i luxuriated in them,
I bade them welcome
home.
I even looked into
the mirror
once having thought
myself to be
ugly,
I now liked what
I saw,almost
handsome, yes,
a bit ripped and
ragged,
scares, lumps,
odd turns,
but all in all,
not too bad,
almost handsome,
better at least than
some of those movie
star faces
like the cheeks of
a baby's
butt.

and finally I discovered
real feelings of
others,
unheralded,
like lately,
like this morning,
as I was leaving,
for the track,
i saw my wife in bed,
just the
shape of
her head there
(not forgetting
centuries of the living
and the dead and
the dying,
the pyramids,
Mozart dead
but his music still
there in the
room, weeds growing,
the earth turning,
the toteboard waiting for
me)
I saw the shape of my
wife's head,
she so still,
I ached for her life,
just being there
under the
covers.

I kissed her in the,
forehead,
got down the stairway,
got outside,
got into my marvelous
car,
fixed the seatbelt,
backed out the
drive.
feeling warm to
the fingertips,
down to my
foot on the gas
pedal,
I entered the world
once
more,
drove down the
hill
past the houses
full and empty
of
people,
I saw the mailman,
honked,
he waved
back
at me.


- Charles Bukowski

I have so much patience for so many people and animals. I really do. Ask anyone. The people I don't have that for is my mom and my dad. It's crazy.  They make my heart heavy and I feel like they're shaking me. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this.But so do they...so do they..

don't they look so vulnerable?

and happy.

i wonder what it feels like knowing you could crush john lennon.
i wonder what it feels like knowing that you wouldn't.

MY OPINION ON THE YOKO CONTROVERSY: I like her. She's cool.

http://www.beatlesbible.com/

google images: paul mccartney
it's like a photo album..in my opinion.

you know..he might have done some terrible things, but i don't think his songs are lies. I don't think doing terrible things can stop you from feeling what he felt. sometimes we do terrible things mindlessly, and we still love wholeheartingly.

ex·press  

/ikˈspres/

Verb Convey (a thought or feeling) in words or by gestures and conduct. Send by express delivery or messenger.

There are so many different ways to say I love you.

"Dissatisfied with an art that merely rendered the appearance of objects or offered a mirror of actual events, the artists of the new century wanted to penetrate deeper, to show things as they knew they were under the surface, or as they might have been had the visible and tangible world always corresponded with the intangible and spiritual. They want to extend the domain of art beyond the boundaries of the actual, so as the include the imagined, the dreamt and the foreseen. They wanted, more than anything, to "express" themselves..

There are some songs I can't sing along to. Some songs are just meant for breathing in.

this song makes me happy

it's like a nice pat on the back.

"because we (are) figuratively dancing through life... and literally. and that's the best way to do it!"
 - allyson

I'm thinking about yesterday and I'm laughing. Panda. She's awesome. I'm really lucky.


sorry I took so long to answer your questions, but when you asked me them and I was about to write my answer down, I didn't agree with it. Now I do. So here it is:

 

I'm not intimidated by anyone.

what a lovely feeling.
and i don't mean that in a condescending way.
yeah, it's nice.
no one should ever been intimidated by anyone else. it's silly.
i want to hug a stranger and ask them how they're doing.
the travelers are back! roaming around wicker park. I can't wait to ask them if they want to smoke weed with me and play their guitars for me on a sunny day. I can't wait for them to say yes.

P.S I am a gemini-taurus cusp. i couldn't be happier.
"Touch is very important in everything from work to romance..They're highly creative and thoroughly enjoy making things with their own hands."
just like morrissey <3 lol. i crap myself up.
edit: bahahaha I mean crack!
ahhhhhh morrissey. you make me so happy. i feel like you understand the world so well. my world, at the very least.

I love my hands. they're my favorite body part.

I always paint them lol. I like to have color on my side.

reading speeches makes me feel good...

I don't know why. It just does. I think it's all the words.
Abraham Lincoln. What a swell guy. I loved reading his speeches for Raimondi's class. I still do even though it's not for a grade this time.
He is an air sign. I always liked his gentle demeanor.

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."

http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/speech.htm 

I remember once, at 826chi, we were trying to write poetry for LTAB. I loved 826chi because people there were smart because they wanted to be, not because they felt like they had to (the employees, I mean, not the students. There was this one girl from Whitney Young I was weary of). They also all had incredible senses of humor. Most of them were graduates from Northwestern Univeresity. Anyway, I remember once this guy, who worked there, was asking us to analyze this one poem we had made. We took time to think about it and when we were all bouncing around ideas he just kind of took a deep breath and blurted "man. I wish I was in school again". I loved that he said that because I understood what he meant.  
 

Fellow-Citizens of the United States:   IN compliance with a custom as old as the Government itself, I appear before you to address you briefly and to take in your presence the oath prescribed by the Constitution of the United States to be taken by the President "before he enters on the execution of this office."	1
I do not consider it necessary at present for me to discuss those matters of administration about which there is no special anxiety or excitement.	2
Apprehension seems to exist among the people of the Southern States that by the accession of a Republican Administration their property and their peace and personal security are to be endangered. There has never been any reasonable cause for such apprehension. Indeed, the most ample evidence to the contrary has all the while existed and been open to their inspection. It is found in nearly all the published speeches of him who now addresses you. I do but quote from one of those speeches when I declare that— I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the States where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so.	3
Those who nominated and elected me did so with full knowledge that I had made this and many similar declarations and had never recanted them; and more than this, they placed in the platform for my acceptance, and as a law to themselves and to me, the clear and emphatic resolution which I now read: Resolved, That the maintenance inviolate of the rights of the States, and especially the right of each State to order and control its own domestic institutions according to its own judgment exclusively, is essential to that balance of power on which the perfection and endurance of our political fabric depend; and we denounce the lawless invasion by armed force of the soil of any State or Territory, no matter what pretext, as among the gravest of crimes.	4
I now reiterate these sentiments, and in doing so I only press upon the public attention the most conclusive evidence of which the case is susceptible that the property, peace, and security of no section are to be in any wise endangered by the now incoming Administration. I add, too, that all the protection which, consistently with the Constitution and the laws, can be given will be cheerfully given to all the States when lawfully demanded, for whatever cause—as cheerfully to one section as to another.	5
There is much controversy about the delivering up of fugitives from service or labor. The clause I now read is as plainly written in the Constitution as any other of its provisions: No person held to service or labor in one State, under the laws thereof, escaping into another, shall in consequence of any law or regulation therein be discharged from such service or labor, but shall be delivered up on claim of the party to whom such service or labor may be due.	6
It is scarcely questioned that this provision was intended by those who made it for the reclaiming of what we call fugitive slaves; and the intention of the lawgiver is the law. All members of Congress swear their support to the whole Constitution—to this provision as much as to any other. To the proposition, then, that slaves whose cases come within the terms of this clause "shall be delivered up" their oaths are unanimous. Now, if they would make the effort in good temper, could they not with nearly equal unanimity frame and pass a law by means of which to keep good that unanimous oath?	7
There is some difference of opinion whether this clause should be enforced by national or by State authority, but surely that difference is not a very material one. If the slave is to be surrendered, it can be of but little consequence to him or to others by which authority it is done. And should anyone in any case be content that his oath shall go unkept on a merely unsubstantial controversy as to how it shall be kept?	8
Again: In any law upon this subject ought not all the safeguards of liberty known in civilized and humane jurisprudence to be introduced, so that a free man be not in any case surrendered as a slave? And might it not be well at the same time to provide by law for the enforcement of that clause in the Constitution which guarantees that "the citizens of each State shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of citizens in the several States"?	9
I take the official oath to-day with no mental reservations and with no purpose to construe the Constitution or laws by any hypercritical rules; and while I do not choose now to specify particular acts of Congress as proper to be enforced, I do suggest that it will be much safer for all, both in official and private stations, to conform to and abide by all those acts which stand unrepealed than to violate any of them trusting to find impunity in having them held to be unconstitutional.	10
It is seventy-two years since the first inauguration of a President under our National Constitution. During that period fifteen different and greatly distinguished citizens have in succession administered the executive branch of the Government. They have conducted it through many perils, and generally with great success. Yet, with all this scope of precedent, I now enter upon the same task for the brief constitutional term of four years under great and peculiar difficulty. A disruption of the Federal Union, heretofore only menaced, is now formidably attempted.	11
I hold that in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual. Perpetuity is implied, if not expressed, in the fundamental law of all national governments. It is safe to assert that no government proper ever had a provision in its organic law for its own termination. Continue to execute all the express provisions of our National Constitution, and the Union will endure forever, it being impossible to destroy it except by some action not provided for in the instrument itself.	12
Again: If the United States be not a government proper, but an association of States in the nature of contract merely, can it, as a contract, be peaceably unmade by less than all the parties who made it? One party to a contract may violate it—break it, so to speak—but does it not require all to lawfully rescind it?	13
Descending from these general principles, we find the proposition that in legal contemplation the Union is perpetual confirmed by the history of the Union itself. The Union is much older than the Constitution. It was formed, in fact, by the Articles of Association in 1774. It was matured and continued by the Declaration of Independence in 1776. It was further matured, and the faith of all the then thirteen States expressly plighted and engaged that it should be perpetual, by the Articles of Confederation in 1778. And finally, in 1787, one of the declared objects for ordaining and establishing the Constitution was "to form a more perfect Union."	14
But if destruction of the Union by one or by a part only of the States be lawfully possible, the Union is less perfect than before the Constitution, having lost the vital element of perpetuity.	15
It follows from these views that no State upon its own mere motion can lawfully get out of the Union; that resolves and ordinances to that effect are legally void, and that acts of violence within any State or States against the authority of the United States are insurrectionary or revolutionary, according to circumstances.	16
I therefore consider that in view of the Constitution and the laws the Union is unbroken, and to the extent of my ability, I shall take care, as the Constitution itself expressly enjoins upon me, that the laws of the Union be faithfully executed in all the States. Doing this I deem to be only a simple duty on my part, and I shall perform it so far as practicable unless my rightful masters, the American people, shall withhold the requisite means or in some authoritative manner direct the contrary. I trust this will not be regarded as a menace, but only as the declared purpose of the Union that it will constitutionally defend and maintain itself.	17
In doing this there needs to be no bloodshed or violence, and there shall be none unless it be forced upon the national authority. The power confided to me will be used to hold, occupy, and possess the property and places belonging to the Government and to collect the duties and imposts; but beyond what may be necessary for these objects, there will be no invasion, no using of force against or among the people anywhere. Where hostility to the United States in any interior locality shall be so great and universal as to prevent competent resident citizens from holding the Federal offices, there will be no attempt to force obnoxious strangers among the people for that object. While the strict legal right may exist in the Government to enforce the exercise of these offices, the attempt to do so would be so irritating and so nearly impracticable withal that I deem it better to forego for the time the uses of such offices.	18
The mails, unless repelled, will continue to be furnished in all parts of the Union. So far as possible the people everywhere shall have that sense of perfect security which is most favorable to calm thought and reflection. The course here indicated will be followed unless current events and experience shall show a modification or change to be proper, and in every case and exigency my best discretion will be exercised, according to circumstances actually existing and with a view and a hope of a peaceful solution of the national troubles and the restoration of fraternal sympathies and affections.	19
That there are persons in one section or another who seek to destroy the Union at all events and are glad of any pretext to do it I will neither affirm nor deny; but if there be such, I need address no word to them. To those, however, who really love the Union may I not speak?	20
Before entering upon so grave a matter as the destruction of our national fabric, with all its benefits, its memories, and its hopes, would it not be wise to ascertain precisely why we do it? Will you hazard so desperate a step while there is any possibility that any portion of the ills you fly from have no real existence? Will you, while the certain ills you fly to are greater than all the real ones you fly from, will you risk the commission of so fearful a mistake?	21
All profess to be content in the Union if all constitutional rights can be maintained. Is it true, then, that any right plainly written in the Constitution has been denied? I think not. Happily, the human mind is so constituted that no party can reach to the audacity of doing this. Think, if you can, of a single instance in which a plainly written provision of the Constitution has ever been denied. If by the mere force of numbers a majority should deprive a minority of any clearly written constitutional right, it might in a moral point of view justify revolution; certainly would if such right were a vital one. But such is not our case. All the vital rights of minorities and of individuals are so plainly assured to them by affirmations and negations, guaranties and prohibitions, in the Constitution that controversies never arise concerning them. But no organic law can ever be framed with a provision specifically applicable to every question which may occur in practical administration. No foresight can anticipate nor any document of reasonable length contain express provisions for all possible questions. Shall fugitives from labor be surrendered by national or by State authority? The Constitution does not expressly say. May Congress prohibit slavery in the Territories? The Constitution does not expressly say. Must Congress protect slavery in the Territories? The Constitution does not expressly say.	22
From questions of this class spring all our constitutional controversies, and we divide upon them into majorities and minorities. If the minority will not acquiesce, the majority must, or the Government must cease. There is no other alternative, for continuing the Government is acquiescence on one side or the other. If a minority in such case will secede rather than acquiesce, they make a precedent which in turn will divide and ruin them, for a minority of their own will secede from them whenever a majority refuses to be controlled by such minority. For instance, why may not any portion of a new confederacy a year or two hence arbitrarily secede again, precisely as portions of the present Union now claim to secede from it? All who cherish disunion sentiments are now being educated to the exact temper of doing this.	23
Is there such perfect identity of interests among the States to compose a new union as to produce harmony only and prevent renewed secession?	24
Plainly the central idea of secession is the essence of anarchy. A majority held in restraint by constitutional checks and limitations, and always changing easily with deliberate changes of popular opinions and sentiments, is the only true sovereign of a free people. Whoever rejects it does of necessity fly to anarchy or to despotism. Unanimity is impossible. The rule of a minority, as a permanent arrangement, is wholly inadmissible; so that, rejecting the majority principle, anarchy or despotism in some form is all that is left.	25
I do not forget the position assumed by some that constitutional questions are to be decided by the Supreme Court, nor do I deny that such decisions must be binding in any case upon the parties to a suit as to the object of that suit, while they are also entitled to very high respect and consideration in all parallel cases by all other departments of the Government. And while it is obviously possible that such decision may be erroneous in any given case, still the evil effect following it, being limited to that particular case, with the chance that it may be overruled and never become a precedent for other cases, can better be borne than could the evils of a different practice. At the same time, the candid citizen must confess that if the policy of the Government upon vital questions affecting the whole people is to be irrevocably fixed by decisions of the Supreme Court, the instant they are made in ordinary litigation between parties in personal actions the people will have ceased to be their own rulers, having to that extent practically resigned their Government into the hands of that eminent tribunal. Nor is there in this view any assault upon the court or the judges. It is a duty from which they may not shrink to decide cases properly brought before them, and it is no fault of theirs if others seek to turn their decisions to political purposes.	26
One section of our country believes slavery is right and ought to be extended, while the other believes it is wrong and ought not to be extended. This is the only substantial dispute. The fugitive-slave clause of the Constitution and the law for the suppression of the foreign slave trade are each as well enforced, perhaps, as any law can ever be in a community where the moral sense of the people imperfectly supports the law itself. The great body of the people abide by the dry legal obligation in both cases, and a few break over in each. This, I think, can not be perfectly cured, and it would be worse in both cases after the separation of the sections than before. The foreign slave trade, now imperfectly suppressed, would be ultimately revived without restriction in one section, while fugitive slaves, now only partially surrendered, would not be surrendered at all by the other.	27
Physically speaking, we can not separate. We can not remove our respective sections from each other nor build an impassable wall between them. A husband and wife may be divorced and go out of the presence and beyond the reach of each other, but the different parts of our country can not do this. They can not but remain face to face, and intercourse, either amicable or hostile, must continue between them. Is it possible, then, to make that intercourse more advantageous or more satisfactory after separation than before? Can aliens make treaties easier than friends can make laws? Can treaties be more faithfully enforced between aliens than laws can among friends? Suppose you go to war, you can not fight always; and when, after much loss on both sides and no gain on either, you cease fighting, the identical old questions, as to terms of intercourse, are again upon you.	28
This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing Government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it. I can not be ignorant of the fact that many worthy and patriotic citizens are desirous of having the National Constitution amended. While I make no recommendation of amendments, I fully recognize the rightful authority of the people over the whole subject, to be exercised in either of the modes prescribed in the instrument itself; and I should, under existing circumstances, favor rather than oppose a fair opportunity being afforded the people to act upon it. I will venture to add that to me the convention mode seems preferable, in that it allows amendments to originate with the people themselves, instead of only permitting them to take or reject propositions originated by others, not especially chosen for the purpose, and which might not be precisely such as they would wish to either accept or refuse. I understand a proposed amendment to the Constitution—which amendment, however, I have not seen—has passed Congress, to the effect that the Federal Government shall never interfere with the domestic institutions of the States, including that of persons held to service. To avoid misconstruction of what I have said, I depart from my purpose not to speak of particular amendments so far as to say that, holding such a provision to now be implied constitutional law, I have no objection to its being made express and irrevocable.	29
The Chief Magistrate derives all his authority from the people, and they have referred none upon him to fix terms for the separation of the States. The people themselves can do this if also they choose, but the Executive as such has nothing to do with it. His duty is to administer the present Government as it came to his hands and to transmit it unimpaired by him to his successor.	30
Why should there not be a patient confidence in the ultimate justice of the people? Is there any better or equal hope in the world? In our present differences, is either party without faith of being in the right? If the Almighty Ruler of Nations, with His eternal truth and justice, be on your side of the North, or on yours of the South, that truth and that justice will surely prevail by the judgment of this great tribunal of the American people.	31
By the frame of the Government under which we live this same people have wisely given their public servants but little power for mischief, and have with equal wisdom provided for the return of that little to their own hands at very short intervals. While the people retain their virtue and vigilance no Administration by any extreme of wickedness or folly can very seriously injure the Government in the short space of four years.	32
My countrymen, one and all, think calmly and well upon this whole subject. Nothing valuable can be lost by taking time. If there be an object to hurry any of you in hot haste to a step which you would never take deliberately, that object will be frustrated by taking time; but no good object can be frustrated by it. Such of you as are now dissatisfied still have the old Constitution unimpaired, and, on the sensitive point, the laws of your own framing under it; while the new Administration will have no immediate power, if it would, to change either. If it were admitted that you who are dissatisfied hold the right side in the dispute, there still is no single good reason for precipitate action. Intelligence, patriotism, Christianity, and a firm reliance on Him who has never yet forsaken this favored land are still competent to adjust in the best way all our present difficulty.	33
In your hands, my dissatisfied fellow-countrymen, and not in mine, is the momentous issue of civil war. The Government will not assail you. You can have no conflict without being yourselves the aggressors. You have no oath registered in heaven to destroy the Government, while I shall have the most solemn one to "preserve, protect, and defend it."	34
I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. (strain..break..so nice.) The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
At this second appearing to take the oath of the presidential office, there is less occasion for an extended address than there was at the first. Then a statement, somewhat in detail, of a course to be pursued, seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years, during which public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase of the great contest which still absorbs the attention, and engrosses the energies of the nation, little that is new could be presented. The progress of our arms, upon which all else chiefly depends, is as well known to the public as to myself; and it is, I trust, reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all. With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.
On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago, all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it--all sought to avert it. While the inaugeral [sic] address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Union without war, insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war--seeking to dissole [sic] the Union, and divide effects, by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war; but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive; and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.
One eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the Southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was, somehow, the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union, even by war; while the government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war, the magnitude, or the duration, which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has his own purposes. "Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" If we shall suppose that American Slavery is one of those offences which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South, this terrible war, as the woe due to those by whom the offence came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a Living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope--fervently do we pray--that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue, until all the wealth piled by the bond-man's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash, shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord, are true and righteous altogether"
With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan--to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.

melodies softly soaring through my atmosphere...

well the universe is shaped exactly like the earth
if you go straight long enough
you'll end up where you were..

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

"the earth laughs in flowers"

Both are by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I got the second quote wrong lol. I tried to recite it from memory and I was a bit off. It's one of my aunt's favorites. The last time I read it was on her myspace page. 

 The first one hits home.
I agree. It really is.  

P.S MY NEXT BOWL IS GOING TO BE THAT JOHNNY CASH BOWL.
IT SHALL BE MIIIINEEEEE.

 

my kind of "Lucky."

we are standing on the edge...

i love how he stretches out words to create these insanely awesome sounds..

sleepover @ allyson's :)

lewis and clarke album playing in the background for the first few hours.
you gotta love this girl.
(btw allyson. this is my favorite song from that album)
and her cats. yesterday I realized how much I love Reed. Allyson likes elliot because he's a love ball. He really is, and I love him too, but my favorite is definitely Reed. I like him so much because first of all he is beautiful lol, secondly, he is shy, and thirdly it takes a lot to win him over. I dig it.
I hate the question of whether I like dogs better than cats. That's like asking whether I like mexicans more than asians? The answer is obviously lol just kidding. You know what I mean. The question makes me feel like Paul McCartney in the 1964 video when he is asked "which do you like better? Mods or rockas?" And Paul goes "I don't know..I think I prefer Mockas..no..no real preference" lmfao. That's how I feel. No real preference. They're both amazing and have different reasons in which entitle them to the same amount of appreciation.
"Paul is it true that you're the most intelligent Beatle?"
"uh..no...no...John wrote a book..so he must be more intelligent than me." lolol <3
Anyway, it was a lovely day. Allyson said something in the middle of the night and I couldn't hear what she said. All I know is that it sounded sweet (sad, but sweet) and so I hugged her and put my head on her arm and for some reason, I feel like that made it easier to sleep for the both of us. Isn't that funny? It wasn't lesbianish at all. It was loving.
I am reading "I'm with the Band" right now. Allyson gave me the book. Which is so awesome of her because I know it means a lot to her. Inside the book is writing from her sister, Heather, who I know Allyson holds dear to her heart, and the writing says "if I had a bible, it would be this book". I like Heather, although I don't know her. "The opposite of love is indifference..Pay attention now...Keep your head up..Keep your love.." She wrote more, but I've already told you enough.
Anyway, I think I found a new idol: PAMELA DES BARRES. She's the girl allyson told me about that I mentioned in a blog post once. The girl who made crazy vests for musicians. 
I haven't read much but I already really like her:
"I was unprepared, however, for the reaction to I'm with the band when it was initially published When uptight woman on talk shows chided me for being too free-spirited and sexually open, I told them I was sorry they missed out on the good times and didn't get to sleep with Mick Jagger." 

"I lost some good friends who were growing up and going steady and planning their lives after high school. They left me behind with my Beatles lunch box and bobbing-head dolls, practicing my Liverpudlian accent*. And guess what? They're probably still in Reseda with a gaggle of goony kids to kowtow to, being forced to listen to Motley Crue by their very own burgeoining teenagers, and it serves them right.

We gravitated to one another, the Beatlesweeties, and hung around in packs of for, one for each Beatle.  **"

*soul mates? possibly.
**yes. soul mates. every one knows i'm paul.
lmfao <3

This girl is really awesome though and I can't wait to meet her on her book tour with allyson. I'm going to make her jewelry and have her write in my journal. I have two questions to ask her.  She seems cool as hell and I'm a bit envious of her life. I feel no shame in saying that because I feel i'd be weird not to feel envious of her life. It was a hell of a life lol.

she's absolutely stunning! no?

yes lol

Anyway, that's not all I got to walk out of allyson's house with. I'm going to burn a copy of The Shin's album Oh Inverted World, and Radiohead's "OK computer", and I'm going to re-read The Metamorphosis.Needless to say, it's been great.

And not only because I've been given these things but because I got to spend a lovely time with the person who gave me these things. The real important thing here is her.

I have some stuff up my sleeve for aaron :3. Lots of awesome stuff. It's getting pretty uncomfortable My sleeve I mean. From having all that stuff up there.

Bahaha. Joking. I love it! :) I can't wait.

For now, I should probably focus on my homework. I'm

that things will work out. I need to shower and do normal people stuff. Today, I'm going to get an estimate of how much my tattoo will cost at Metamorphosis. And vintage underground just opened up on Milwaulkee and I need to see what's up with that lol. I love that place. Allyson should be getting out of her interview in a while..let's hope she gets that job @ wicker so I can visit her alll the time on her lunch breaks. 

and do homework.

do homework.

and finish painting my room.

*sigh. I need to make a to do list like Clara told me to..I need to give myself structure.

keep the good times going and the good vibes flowinnnnnnn'

i'm insanely lame, but i have fun.

:)


p.s allyson said something that made my heart flutter.
"I only understand the smiths when I hear you sing it"
or something like that....lol
I love it. It's funny because that's how I feel about Bon Iver with her.
Music.
Allyson says some really cool stuff lol. I'm gonna throw this one in there too:
"I don't trust anyone that doesn't like Led Zeppelin".