I lost my virginity to a guy who wasn't capable of loving me. I believe he cared about me, but I don't think we'd ever be able to love each other, even if we wanted to. I thought he was so cool lol.. I mean he skateboarded and was from Iowa and I was a freshman..lol. I remember waiting outside of gym so I could see him. I remember not swimming in gym because I didn't want my hair to get messed up. I pretty much did my hair for him, not me. He's always talking about me to my friend Luis. I don't know if that's some kind of strategy or if he is being sincere. He doesn't know he took my virginity and I'll never tell him.
He moved back to Iowa. Before he left he told me that he wanted me to move over there with him. All I could think about is how when I decided to give him a second chance, he fucked my best friend right next to me. And of course, how I'd never give up what I have now.
He always thought with the wrong head. He made me cry so much. And no. It wasn't worth it.
Once I hung out with him and he played a whole bunch of beatles songs for me. That was nice of him. I really did care about him. It's sad, but it's also life.
It's so stupid...looking back now, but I learned...and now I know better.
I really know better.
I was thinking maybe I shouldn't share this, but I know you guys will understand. I know you guys will.
I hope yerika isn't reading this.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm a saint. Or worry that you might think I'm a slut. Or stupid. Or whatever. That I lost my virginity to someone who loved me because "I knew better". The truth is, I didn't know better. I really didn't...
I value honesty more than I value my reputation. And the ones that matter will understand.
"every saint has a past and every sinner has a future" - Oscar Wilde
No comments:
Post a Comment