I'm going to put the world on pause for a week.

and by that, I mean not hanging out with acquaintances and not checking my facebook.
I really just want to read and write and go to the holocaust museum with Amanda (because we've been planning it for years!) and work on my online class and hang out with a close friend at my house and maybe skate, maybe. 

There is a person that is my mind quite often, yet no feeling ever stems from those thoughts. You would think I had a longing to see them or feel bad or my self esteem would plummet or I'd feel optimistic. You would think something would happen, but it doesn't. I just feel like I'm moving. Like my thoughts have no more or less significance than watching TV or playing a game. It's that kind of movement. I wish I could explain that better. I guess maybe what my brain is telling me is that I'm thinking in vain. There is no reason to think. The only thing that matters is that I care. I don't know what that means and I know I won't find out by thinking.

Hypothetical situations will be the death of me.

about a year ago:
Conrad: "so what are you gonna do now?"
Me: "I'm gonna go home and sleep."
Conrad: "Why would you do that? Do that on the weekdays. Come party with us."
Me: "I rather sleep."

I go through these things.
Like I said, I'm pretty hard to pin down.

• Today
• 

  12:33am

  Ely Barajas
  

  
  

  can i ask you something?
• 

  12:33am

  Kevin Gee
  

  
  

  WHats up
• 

  12:34am

  Ely Barajas
  

  
  

  i've noticed that you've had a pattern of flings going on lately

  and i think you want to be taken too much

  you're never going to get what you're looking for, if you force it, i think.
• 

  12:35am

  Kevin Gee
  

  
  

  I know i know.

Today, I don't feel like listening to music. That's not a sad thing. It's just, today, the sounds around me are enough.

just some stuff I'd like to share. This all from Ham on Rye.

"He didn't bother with women, although they all loved him. He was above that.
....
He was an ugly man with scars on his face, but he was beautiful if you looked long enough -- it was in the eyes, his style, his courage, his fierce aloneness."

- Chapter 43

'  "God damn it, let me have it, Marie!"
  "No!"
  "But I'm hot, please!"
   "Take your god-damned hands off me!"
   "But, Marie, I love you!"
   "You and your fucking love...."   '

- Chapter 26

"So that's what they wanted: lies. Beautiful lies. That's what they needed. People are fools."

-    Chapter 20

"I had seen woman with better figures, but there was something warm about her. She wasn't constantly thinking about being a woman."

-Chapter 31

"Lily bent over and ran her tongue along pete's cock. Shelapped her tongue around the monstrous head. Then she had it in her mouth.
"Lily.... Christ." said Pete, "I love you..."

-Chapter 27